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 What I Could Never Say

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Fairy_Kisses82
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PostSubject: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:24 pm

Rating: R
Summary: When Adam and Archie are kidnapped all Kris and Cook can do is wait and hope for their loved ones to be returned to them.
Pairing: Kradam & Cookleta
Warning: Lots of swearing. Violence
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine. Not real. Do not want to ever be real.
Authors Note: This was based off of one of the prompts on the [info]aianonlovefest group. The prompt was "Adam and Archie are doing something for Idol as the two most recent runners up. They get taken hostage. Kris and David waiting together hoping the people they love are alright. Pretty much do what you want with it but please no character death. " Each section is written from the point of view of one of the characters; Adam, Kris, Archie, Cook.

________
Part One – Adam


"I refuse to get in trouble because some damn kid can’t read a watch.”
“We’re going to lose our light.”

Adam stood to the side of the technical crew trying to look as if he wasn’t listening to their conversation. He had his script in his hands and was pretending to read his lines. He knew that time was running short, that daylight was rapidly disappearing, but he was not in the mood for the crew to take it out on David. It had been a long fucking day and everyone was frustrated but David had been nothing but polite, professional and pleasant all day. Adam may not know David well, nearly all of his knowledge of the boy came from Allison, but he knew that he was prompt and rarely kept anyone waiting if he could help it. He knew that David must have gotten caught up in something if he was running late. Adam glanced at his watch and saw that it was 7:01pm. Putting his script down on the chair Adam quietly slipped away from the crew and headed towards the building they were using as a changing room.

As he walked Adam looked at the grounds around him; he could see that Idol had definitely spared a lot of expense when choosing the location for this shoot. He wondered if Kris would be filming somewhere nicer when he and Cook filmed the winners segment. Idol had decided that it again wanted to do Idol Gives Back this year and some bright spark had come up with the idea of filming pre-recorded appeals. They had paired up the two most recent winners and runners up. So here he was, in the middle of nowhere Idaho, with Archuleta, recording some of the worst dialogue he’d ever read.

Opening the door into the provisional dressing room Adam stepped into the darkened area. Reaching to turn on the lights he wished he was surprised to find out that they weren’t working but of course they weren’t. Adam flipped the switch a few times and nothing happened. The windows around the room let in some light but not a lot; enough to navigate by but not enough to search by. Of course, a person, even one as small as David, shouldn’t take that much searching for.

“David?”

There was no response.

Adam moved further into the room. A quiet crash towards the back of the room grabbed his attention and he moved in that direction. Light was coming in from a window above a fire exit at the very back of the room and Adam could see enough so that he didn’t trip over anything.

“David? Is that you?”

When still no one replied Adam slowed his walk, nerves beginning to appear. Continuing in the direction he had been going Adam spotted some movement in the shadows next to the fire exit.

“Who’s there? David this isn’t funny.”

Suddenly the light flickered on above his head and the shadow next to the door disappeared. Adam froze in shock at the sight before him. A masked man stood with David pressed up against his chest. His hands were tied in front of him with rope and were pushed close to his body by an arm wrapped around his chest. There were scratches on his knuckles. He was gagged and his eyes were wide with fright. Blood was trickling from a cut just above his eye and Adam could see the beginnings of a bruise forming on his cheek. What caught Adam’s attention the most was the gun pressed to the side of his head. The light flickered back off and the tableaux disappeared from view.

Adam was frozen in place when something was pressed into his back. He’d played around with enough props throughout his life to know what a gun felt like.

“You’re not supposed to be in here.” A voice behind him intoned.
“I was looking for David.”
“Well you found him.”

The figure pulled David out of the shadow and into the light. Adam could see David shaking in the hold.

“Of course, now you’re going have to pretend that you haven’t.”
“What?”

Adam didn’t understand what the man was talking about. Why would he possibly pretend that this wasn’t happening? The guns pointed at both himself and David caused any thought of fighting back to desert him.

“I need you to go back outside and pretend that you haven’t found David. You’re going to give us 10 minutes to get away and then you’re going to come in and find the room trashed and David missing. If you do anything else David here dies.”

Adam looked at David, looked at the growing panic in his eyes. He couldn’t let these men take him, he’d never forgive himself.

“I can’t do that.”
“Then you’re responsible for his death.”

Adam felt the gun pressing harder into his back. He needed to buy time for someone else to discover what was going on. Adam moved his gaze away from David and spoke to the man holding him.

“Whatever it is you want I’m sure killing David isn’t going to help.”

The man looked Adam up and down and then looked over his shoulder to the man behind him.

“We don’t have time for this. Tie him up and then we’re out of here. Someone will find him later.”

The pressure at his back disappeared and Adam felt his arms being pulled behind him. The gun still pointed at David’s head stopped him from making any rash movements. His wrists were tied tight with what felt like wire, he could feel the metal cutting into his skin. He was pulled over to a chair and pushed down into it. He needed to do something now.

“You don’t have to do this. You can just go now and no one will get hurt, we won’t tell anyone will we David?”

Adam could see David give an almost imperceptible shake of his head in agreement. Adam felt his arms being twisted painfully as they were pressed into his back as wire was wrapped around his chest and the chair.

“Do you want a ransom? Is this about a ransom because I can give you money, you don’t need to take him. I can call my bank now and get money transferred straight away.”

That wasn’t strictly true but Adam was rambling now. He needed to do something to stop them from taking David out of there. He couldn’t help but feel that if he lost David now he’d never see him again.

“You don’t have as much as we’re going to get this way.”
“I’m worth a lot, I can get you a lot.”

Adam knew he was panicking, knew it was obvious in his voice. The hands tying the wire around him stopped moving. The man with David appeared to be holding an unspoken conversation with the man behind him.

“Actually, that’s a very good idea.”

The man smiled at Adam.

"You are worth a lot, and so is he, but I bet the two of you together are worth even more.”

Adam heard David’s cry of denial even if he couldn’t make out the words through the gag. Suddenly the wire surrounding his torso was gone and he was being pulled to his feet.

“What…”

Adam felt a piece of material being shoved into his mouth. He tried to spit it out but another strip was being wound round his face holding it in.

Adam was in shock, this was not supposed to be happening. He caught David’s eyes and could see the terror warring with guilt. Trying to soften his gaze Adam sent what he hoped was a reassuring look to David. This was definitely not in his plan, not that he’d had a plan, but he was not going to let an already terrified 19 year old feel responsible for this.

The fire exit was opened and Adam and David were propelled through it and out into the evening air. A white van was parked as close to the door as it could get and as they exited the building the side door of the van opened. Adam watched as David was almost thrown into the van before being pushed in himself.

There was one man inside the van already and the man who had pushed Adam in climbed in after them. The man who had been holding David quickly jumped into the front passenger seat and the van roared into life. Adam dragged himself to the side of the van and sat against it. When the no one objected to the movement Adam nudged David with his feet. When the younger man looked at him Adam motioned with his head for David to join him. David hesitated and Adam rolled his eyes, again motioning. This time David did move. He crawled to the space next to Adam but still kept a small distance. Adam shuffled over a bit so that their shoulders were touching and soon enough David was leaning entirely up against Adam. Adam wasn’t sure who was gaining the most comfort out of the contact, David or himself.

As the van carried on its journey to god knows where Adam caught a glance of one of the kidnapper’s watches; it read 7:17. The whole event had taken under 20 minutes.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:26 pm

Part Two – Kris

Kris sat on his bed with his laptop answering the emails that had built up over the past week. He was glad to be able to read them on an actual computer for once instead of his IPhone. It was so rare nowadays to get the time to actually sit and reply to emails that weren’t urgent, that didn’t revolve around his music, his work. He had been so busy the past few weeks with meetings, studio time and rehearsals that he hadn’t had any time to himself. Usually on his down time he either slept or, if they had time off together, spent it with his equally busy boyfriend. But Adam was away on his shoot today and Kris was going to make the most of the quiet. He loved Adam, he really did, but the man brought unexpected levels of noise into the house. Adam was never quiet. Adam didn’t know how to be quiet. He was constantly in motion, constantly talking or singing or humming or tapping out a rhythm. And while Kris wouldn’t have him any other way, and always missed the noise when it was gone, it was occasionally nice to have some peace to answer his emails.

The ringing of the doorbell surprised him. Looking at the clock he wondered who would possibly be calling at 10:14pm. Moving off of his bed Kris made his way over to the monitor that showed an image of the front door. His manager Lisa was staring up into the camera, two heavy set men in dark suits stood behind her holding up their 19E identification badges. Kris buzzed them in and moved to the hallway to meet them.

“Lisa, it’s gone 10:00, what could you possibly need?”
“There’s been an incident. This is just a precaution but we need to get you somewhere safe.”
“This is a joke right?”

Lisa gave Kris a hard look, one that resembled her ‘you listen to me and you listen good’ look, but Kris could see the worry beneath it.

“Kris, for once please just do what I ask without questioning it. There’s a car waiting outside to take you to a house and Jimmy and Rob here are your new best friends so make sure they’re with you at all times. Now go put some pants on, grab your shoes, and we’ll get going”

Kris could see from her face that she was being serious and it worried him. Rushing back into the bedroom Kris pulled on a pair of jeans. He grabbed a shirt from his cupboard and pulled it over the vest he was wearing. He closed his laptop and grabbed his phone off of the bed. Before leaving the room Kris quickly typed a message.

[ somethings happnd. Being movd frm the hse. Dont worry. Will call later.xxx ]

Slipping his phone into his pocket Kris moved back to the hallway. He quickly put his shoes on, turned off the lights, locked the door behind him and followed the others into the car.

Throughout the journey neither Jimmy nor Rob said anything. Lisa spent the entire time on her phone talking in a hushed voice. Kris had no idea where they were going or why. He kept checking his phone but Adam still hadn’t responded. Adam always responded unless he was working. Kris knew the filming should have finished hours ago and Adam had no other commitments today. He texted him again.

[ everything ok? xxx ]

Kris sat back and stared at his phone waiting for it to beep.

The car stopped at a set of giant iron gates which slowly opened to allow the car through. As they pulled up to the house Kris moved to get out but a strong arm stopped his movement.

“We don’t want anyone to know where you are. Please wait while we check no one’s around.”

Kris rolled his eyes but moved back against the seat.

The door was eventually opened from the outside and Kris was hurriedly ushered into an enormous mansion.

“Please go through there.”

Kris was motioned through a huge door and into what he assumed to be the living room. As he moved into the room a figure on the couch turned round to look at him.

“David!”
“Kris!”

David got up from the couch, moved over to Kris and pulled him into a hug.

“Any idea what’s going on?”
“None at all man. I was in the studio when they asked me to come with them.”
“I was at home.”

They moved back to the couch and sat on it. Jimmy and Rob joined two other imposing figures at a table on the other side of the room.

Kris pulled his phone out from his pocket and checked it again. Still nothing. He noticed David watching him but neither said anything. David lent back on the couch and looked at Kris.

“Man you look tired.”
“Work, you know how it is.”
“That I do. I’m just wondering if I looked that tired that first year.”
“You did.”
“Thanks for the ego boost there man.”
“You’re welcome.”

They grinned at each other. Kris loved his life and was pretty sure David would say the same but occasionally it was a little ridiculous.

The door opened again and a group of people walked in. Kris watched as the people moved over to them and began to sit in the chairs that surrounded the sofa. The serious expressions on their faces caused the easy peace between the two singers to evaporate immediately.

“You going to tell us what this is all about?”

Kris was relived that David had spoken, more than happy for him to take the lead here. A man Kris didn’t recognise answered.

“I’m Special Agent Bryan Williams, I’m with the FBI and I’ll be working this case.”
“What case?”

David voiced the question going through Kris’s mind. He looked at Lisa who looked away from his gaze. Not good.

“This evening David Archuleta and Adam Lambert went missing from the location they were filming at.”
“What!”
“Where the fuck did they go?”
“As the winners of American Idol, 19E and the FBI are worried that you might be possible targets as well so we’re going to be keeping you both here till all parties involved have been caught.”
“What do you mean parties involved? Where’s Archie? He wouldn’t just walk out of a work commitment.”
“Mr Cook I don’t think you understand, Mr’s Archuleta and Lambert were taken against their will. The dressing room was trashed and the fire exit had been broken open.”
“Oh my god!”

Kris looked over at David and noticed all the blood had drained from his face. He guessed he probably looked about the same.

“We received a ransom demand a few minutes ago.”
“This is a joke right?”
“No Mr Allen, it’s not.”

Kris grabbed his phone from his pocket and pressed speed dial 1. The phone rang until the voicemail picked up.

“Adam, its me. Darlin’ pick up…I need you to call me back as soon as you get this, you’re scaring me now. Stop playing games and call me the fuck back!”
“Kris.”

David’s soft voice cut through Kris’s panic. Kris turned to him.

“He didn’t reply to my texts this evening. I just thought he was busy.”
“There’s no way you could have known.”
“Mr Allen, am I to assume from this that you and Mr Lambert are a couple?”
“So what if they are!”

Kris felt David’s arm around his shoulders pulling him into a hug. He could feel David shaking as he held him.

“I thought you were married?”
“Separated.”
“I’m going to need your ex’s contact details.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to need to check her alibi.”
“God no, she wouldn’t do this, she adores Adam.”
“Even though you left her for him.”
“She knows it’s not his fault. She knows that he did nothing. She was angry at me for playing them both around for so long but she was never angry at him.”
“We’re still going to need to check her alibi.”

Kris looked at Lisa pleadingly.

“I can get you her details Agent Williams.”

That was not what Kris had meant. Lisa refused to meet his eyes as she stood up from her chair. She made her way to the door, squeezing Kris’s shoulder as she passed him, and left the room to get the details.

“Agent Williams. You said you received a ransom demand.”
“That’s correct Mr Cook.”
“How much was it for?”
“That doesn’t concern you.”
“If it concerns Archie and Adam then it concerns us.”

Kris nodded his agreement.

“They’ve asked for $25 million to be delivered in two days time.”
“What!?!”
“But…how are we going to get that much together in that time.”
“You two aren’t going to do anything Mr Allen. You’re going to wait here, keep yourselves safe, keep out of trouble, and leave this to the FBI.”
“I can’t just sit here twiddling my thumbs while he’s out there somewhere, possibly hurt, maybe already dead! I have to do something.”
“Mr Lambert isn’t dead.”
“How do you know and please call him Adam. He hates it when people call him Mr Lambert.”
“Mr Lam…Adam is alive, as is Mr Archuleta…”
“David.”
“…David. We were sent proof of life with the demand so don’t worry about that.”
“What proof.”
“A video.”
“I want to see it.”
“I wouldn’t advise that Mr Cook.”
“I want to see it!”
“I really wouldn’t…”
“I want to see it too.”

Kris watched as Agent Williams looked at the others who had entered the room with him. They looked unsure as to how to proceed.

“Please, I need to see it. I need to know he’s okay.”

Kris knew he was begging but he didn’t care.

Agent Williams looked at the men on the couch and Kris held his gaze. Eventually Agent Williams sighed and stood up from the chair he was in.

“Okay, but I want you to remember that I warned against it.”
“We will.”

As he spoke David moved his arm from around Kris and moved from the couch. He and Agent Williams walked over to a laptop that another FBI agent was setting up on the table. Kris quickly followed them.

“We were sent the link to an upload of two videos: one of Mr…Adam and one of David.”

The agent at the computer opened a file and a still of Archie appeared on the screen. Kris heard David gasp at the sight.

“Archie!”

Reaching over Kris pulled David into a one armed hug. Looking back at the screen Kris saw dried blood above Archie’s left eye. There was a nasty looking bruise on his right cheek and the corners of his mouth looked rubbed raw. Most striking was the terror in his eyes. Kris knew that Archie had big eyes but it had never been as apparent as it was now. The FBI agent pressed play.

Archie raised a piece of paper so that he could read it easier. As his hands came into shot it became clear that they were bound at the wrists. The paper shook in Archie’s hands.

“Read it.” A voice came from behind the camera.

“Umm…myself and Adam…”

Archie spoke so quietly that Kris strained to hear.

“Louder kid.”

The voice made Archie flinch.

“Myself and Adam Lambert are being held hostage. We are un…unharmed at the moment. They want $25 million by 2:00pm on Wednesday or they’ll…or they’ll…they’ll kill us. They will contact you with delivery details tomorrow afternoon.”

Kris watched as Archie looked beyond the camera at whoever was filming him.

“Perfect kid.”

A hint of relief was visible for a second on Archie’s face before the camera switched off and the image was lost.

Kris felt David shaking beside him and turned to see tears running down his face. He pulled David closer still.

“He looked so scared.”
“He’s stronger than he looks.”
“I know he is but…but I just…I just wish he didn’t have to be.”

Kris turned and pulled David into a full body hug. They stood like that for a while before David pulled away.

“I’m good.”

Kris doubted he was but he was willing to let David pretend to be for the moment. They turned back to the computer.

“Are you sure you want to see the other one?”

Agent Williams looked at Kris as he asked. Kris wasn’t sure he wanted to see it. He was actually pretty positive that he didn’t want to, but he felt he probably needed to. He needed to see Adam, he needed to see that he was still alive. Kris nodded at the agent and another video still appeared on the screen.

Kris looked at the figure sat huddled against the wall. That couldn’t be Adam. He looked so small. Kris moved closer to the screen.

The man’s hands were behind his back and he was gagged but he didn’t appear to be harmed. A man wearing a balaclava walked into shot. He walked up to the man sat on the floor and grabbed him by his hair. A muffled cry of pain was heard as Adam was pulled onto his knees by his hair. Keeping hold of his hair the man kept pulling and Adam was forced to crawl closer to the camera.

Kris wanted to turn away, wanted to ask them to stop the video, but instead he moved closer. The agent who had been working the computer moved out of the way and Kris sat in the abandoned chair. He felt a pair of hands rest of his shoulders but he didn’t take his eyes off of the screen.

The man pulled out a pair of wire cutters from his back pocket and, letting go of Adam’s hair, moved behind him. Adam was visibly shaking as the man grabbed his bound hands. Soon Adam’s hands were free and the wire cutters were placed back in the man’s pocket. Adam stiffly moved his arms so that his hands were now in front of him. Bloody rings circled his wrists.

The man moved back round Adam so that he was facing him again and roughly pulled the gag away from Adam’s mouth. Adam spat out the piece of material that had been stuffed in his mouth.

“Where’s David?”

The man backhanded Adam who, unsteady on his knees, had to reach out to stop himself from falling. As Adam straightened up the man walked off screen for a second before returning with a piece of paper.

“Read this.”
“Where’s…”

Kris flinched as again Adam was hit. He barely heard the words as Adam read the same thing Archie had read. Kris couldn’t take his eyes off of the trail of blood that was running down Adam’s chin where the hits had split his bottom lip.

Adam finished reading and handed the paper back to the man. He looked at the man and on receiving a nod carefully moved back to the wall and sat against it. A door opening could be heard and Adam looked towards the sound. A voice came from the direction.

“Go.”

Kris recognised the voice as the one that had been talking to Archie. A second later he watched as Archie ran onto the screen and into Adam’s waiting arms. He watched as Adam enclosed the younger man in his arms as he had done Kris on many occasions. Kris knew how safe it felt in that embrace and hoped that Archie was benefiting from it. He knew that Adam would be taking solace from the opportunity to comfort the younger man. Kris watched as his boyfriend and sort of friend huddled against the wall in each others embrace before the image, and any contact he had with them, once again disappeared.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:27 pm

Part Three – Archie

David was lying on the ground with Adam curled up behind him. If someone had said that at any point in his life he’d be spooning with Adam Lambert he’d have laughed in their face. Alright, he’d have giggled nervously and stepped slightly further away from the crazy person while doing his best not to offend them. But here he was.

His wrists were really hurting from being tied together for so long. The rope had rubbed the skin raw and every movement sent a new pain along his nerves. Adam had tried for what felt like hours to get the rope untied but between the cold of the room, the numbness of Adam’s fingers from having been tied so tightly not too long ago, and the knots themselves, he hadn’t made any progress. David had been the one to put a stop to his attempts when he’d seen the bloody patches Adam’s now torn fingers were leaving wherever he touched. He was already responsible for Adam’s presence here; he didn’t want to be responsible for anything else.

“Stop thinking so loud you’re keeping me awake.”
“I’m sorry.”
“One day David I’m going to teach you how to tell when someone’s joking.”
“I know when someone’s joking.”
“Well you missed that one.”
“I knew you were joking but I’m still sorry that you’re awake. I’m sorry you’re here.”
“I told you before and I’ll tell you again this is not your fault.”
“You should have left when they asked you to.”
“There was no way I was going to leave you alone with them.”
“But you wouldn’t be here if you had.”
“And you’d be here by yourself and I’d never be able to live with the guilt and Cook would kill me.”

David had to force himself not to get morose at the mention of Cook. He had accepted long ago that his attraction to the older David was not reciprocated but it didn’t make it any less painful.

“Cook would get over it.”
“You’re kidding me right? Cook would never get over it. And I mean never, like, never never.”

David started to pull away from Adam but the arms around him held firm.

“Oh no you don’t. For one, there’s no reason to get embarrassed and pull away. Cook adores you and I know that being Mormon you’re probably not that comfortable with that but I also know that you like him in your own way so it can’t bother you too much. And for two, it’s too fucking cold in here to not share body heat.”
“Don’t swear.”
“Really! Really!?! That’s the part of that sentence that you chose to hear!”
“Cook doesn’t like me like that.”
“Sure he does.”
“He really doesn’t.”
“David…”
“Really, I asked him and he said no.”
“You asked him if he liked you?”
“I asked him out.”

David felt Adam still behind him.

“You what?”
“I asked him out and he said no. Gave some excuse about really liking me but being wrong for me and that it couldn’t happen.”

David couldn’t quite believe he was talking about this so openly. He supposed that being kidnapped with someone instantly bonded you. Maybe he was simply too tired and scared to be able to lie.

“Hang on. Let me get this straight, no pun intended, you asked Cook out?”
“Yes.”
“And he said no?”
"Yes.”

David really wished that his hands weren’t tied together. He wanted nothing more than to start picking at the sleeves of his shirt but he couldn’t angle his hands to reach it.

“The man’s an idiot.”

David was pretty sure Adam was talking to himself but he heard the words nonetheless. He was a little shocked by how strong the impulse to defend Cook was, even from Adam.

When Adam spoke again David could hear the surprise in his voice.

“I thought you and Allison?”
“What? Oh gosh no. I mean, I really like Allison, she’s great and all but she’s…well, she’s a she.”
“You might want to let her know.”
“Oh she knows.”
“She what?”
“She knows.”
“But she’s always talking like you’re dating.”
“She’s being a friend.”
“She’s what? She’s…oh…she’s being a friend…wow…I’m obviously going to have to have a conversation with someone about lying to her big brother.”
“Don’t be mad at her, she’s only doing it to help me out.”
“You do realise that I’ve been planning this long speech about how if you hurt her I’ll hurt you.”
“Umm…”
“And I’ve been working on my most imposing and threatening expressions as well.”
“Umm…”
“Of course now that we’re here together I’m glad I don’t have to threaten you because I’m growing rather fond of you. And if I’m going to go into Papa Bear mode when others threaten you it probably wouldn’t be that convincing if I were to try it.”
“Umm…thanks?”
“But back to Mr Cook. Yeah, I’m pretty sure he lied to you about not liking you.”
“I don’t think he did. He was very firm about it.”
“Well when did you ask him?”
“Oh gosh, at the end of the tour.”
“The Idol tour?”
“Yes.”
“So when you were 17.”
“Yes.”
“And he was 26.”
“I suppose so.”
“So when it would have been illegal for him to say anything other than no.”
“Umm…”
“Right, I think I can see where you went wrong.”
“It wouldn’t have been illegal to date.”
“But it would to have to do anything other than holding hands.”
“Holding hands can be nice!”

David felt the shaking coming from the body holding him before he could hear Adam’s laughter. David bristled at being laughed at and again tried to move away from the arms holding him. He wasn’t a child and he didn’t want to be treated like one. He may not be quite as experienced as Adam but he had still accomplished more than most people his age, hell, more than most people ever would. He was fed up with being condescended to.

As Adam’s laughter died his hold on David tightened so that, while he wasn’t hurting David at all, he had secured him firmly in place.

“Hey hey, I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just…I’m just really tired and really hungry and what you said was so sweet and innocent and I can pretty much guaranty that what Cook has been thinking about you is a lot less innocent and it just amused me.”

David stopped trying to pull away but didn’t reply either. He felt Adam’s arms, which had been both comforting and restraining but always slightly distant, pull him into a hug. When Adam spoke his voice came from right next to his ear and David could hear the strain in it as he spoke.

“Please don’t be mad at me. I don’t think I could take it if you were angry at me.”

David felt the gentle kiss pressed above his ear and wondered if anyone had ever managed to stay angry at Adam. He moved his bound hands and patted Adam’s arms as best he could. His movement was limited but he was pretty sure his meaning had been understood.

“I’m not mad.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. I’m just tired and hungry and scared like you. And I want to go home.”

Adam sighed behind him.

“Me too. But for the moment we have to make the best of this fine establishment we’ve found ourselves in.”

Adam was speaking in a faux British accent and David couldn’t help but giggle. He knew that Adam was trying to keep his spirits up and as much as he didn’t want to be babied David appreciated the effort. He could tell that Adam was getting comfort from playing protector and who was he to stand in the way of that.

“So good sir I suggest that one gets some sleep so one is ready to order from room service tomorrow when the butler comes back. Even if the service has been absolutely atrocious so far. What do you say old chap? Pip pip and all that.”
“I don’t think I ever heard anyone in England say pip pip.”
“Well you were obviously hanging out in all the wrong places.”
“Apparently so.”
“But seriously Davey, sleep would probably be a good idea. That way tomorrow we’ll be hungry and cold and scared but at least we won’t be tired.”
“I think it’s tomorrow already.”
“Well then it’s definitely past sleep time.”

The floor was cold and David wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep but he shuffled around trying to get comfortable anyway. The warmth of the body behind him was more comforting than he could describe. As much as he hated that Adam was here with him he couldn’t help but be grateful at not being alone. He couldn’t think of anything worse than being alone in this room.

“But you’re not alone. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“Sorry, I didn’t realise I spoke out loud.”
“No need to apologise…night David.”
“Night Adam.”

David closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come. He listened as Adam’s breath evened out behind him before joining him in unconsciousness.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:28 pm

Part Four - Cook

David stood in the kitchen staring at the eggs in the bowl in front of him. Kris had decided that he needed to so something to take his mind off of what was happening and in the absence of a guitar he had turned to baking. Apparently it was something he used to do with his mother when he was little.

Kris had called his mother as soon as he thought she would be awake and she had emailed over all of the recipes they used to bake at home. David had felt like he was intruding as he listened to Kris lie to his mother that nothing was wrong and he simply had a free day. He was pretty sure that Mrs Allen hadn’t believed a word her son had said because the choked noise Kris had made as he assured her that yes, Adam was fine but busy and of course they would be at the house for Easter sounded anything but okay. Kris had ended the call and David had gently removed the phone from his hand and placed it in his pocket, worried that it would become yet another projectile hurled at the wall like the television remote before it.

Looking at the bowl in front of him David was pretty sure that he was supposed to be folding in the flour but what the hell did ‘folding in’ even mean? Archie would know. Archie knew this kind of thing. David could barely boil an egg let alone bake with one.

God he was tired. He hadn’t slept at all last night, no one in the house had. After watching the videos of Archie and Adam the FBI had spent several hours questioning both he and Kris about their day and checking their alibis. They assured them it was simply precaution but David couldn’t understand how they could even begin to think that either of them had anything to do with this. The bruises showed that Archie had been beaten. How could they ever think that he would be involved with that? He didn’t understand. God, if he could he’d take the beating in his place. David looked over at Kris and couldn’t comprehend how anyone could think he had anything to do with Adam getting hurt. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made any sense.

He watched as Kris moved from one side of the kitchen to the other, adding ingredients to the bowl he was working on and removing a batch of finished cookies from the oven. So far he had made four types of baked cookies, two pies and one batch of no bake cookies and it was only 11:30am. David wasn’t too sure why there were three ovens in the kitchen but he was glad they were there. Kris was barely holding on as it was and if he had been inactive David was pretty sure he’d have broken hours ago.

The phone in his pocket rang and without thinking he answered it.

“Hello.”
“Who’s this?”

The unfamiliar female voice on the other end caused him pause.

“This is David.”
“What’re you doing with Kris’s phone?”
“Kris’s phone?”
“You’re on Kris’s phone.”
“I am?”

David was pretty sure that this conversation was supposed to be making more sense than it was but he couldn’t work out how.

“Who is this?”
“It’s David. Cook, David Cook.”

David looked at the phone in his hand and finally understood.

“I’m holding Kris’s phone.”
“Yes you are.”
“Who is this?”
“This is Katy.”
“Katy? Oh god Katy!”

David looked over at Kris who was currently elbow-deep in flour.

“Kris is…he’s a little occupied at the moment.”
“He’s baking isn’t he.”
“How…how did you…”
“We were together for 7 years. There’s very little I don’t know about him.”

David could hear the tiredness in her voice; he was pretty sure she’d gotten about as much sleep as the rest of them.

“David, please, I need to talk to him.”

David moved over to Kris.

“Kris.”

There was no response.

“Kris!”

David reached out and took hold of his arm. Kris looked up at him and David held out the phone.

“It’s Katy.”
“Katy!”

David nodded and Kris grabbed the phone from him. He watched as the younger man held it up to his face, flour getting everywhere.

“Katy?...oh God Katy! He’s…they…oh god baby he’s…”

David watched for a second as Kris crumpled to the floor sobbing into the phone. Moving over to the door David motioned for the security guards follow him and allow Kris some privacy.

Closing the door behind him David walked through the house looking in rooms until he came across one which took his interest. Entering the room David moved straight to the baby grand sitting in the middle.

He sat down on the bench and ran his fingers over the keys. Archie had tried to teach him a simple tune while they were on the idol tour but he had never managed to learn it. He’d enjoyed the lessons more than the actual playing. David’s thoughts were unravelling faster than he could keep up with and none of them were thoughts he wanted to be having. What if he never saw Archie again? What if he never got to tell him how much he loved him, had always loved him? He knew that turning Archie down when he’d asked him out had been the right thing to do but it had been almost impossible. It had hurt far more than he thought it would but in the back of his mind he’d always assumed that they’d get another chance. What if that was their only chance? What if he messed up what could have been the best thing in his life because he was scared? Oh god what if he’d lost Archie for good?

David was so caught up in his turmoil that he didn’t hear the door to the room closing. He barely felt the figure as it sat next to him on the piano stool and it wasn’t until ‘The Long and Winding Road’ started coming from the instrument that he realised he was no longer alone.

Kris’s voice was soft when it spoke.

“Sorry about before. I got a little obsessed.”
“You were doing what you needed to do to cope.”
“Yeah, but as Katy has just pointed out to me I probably wasn’t making this any easier on you.”
“Well Adam’s your boyfriend, I think you have the right to freak out a little.”
“I love Adam but let’s not pretend that your feelings for Archie are entirely platonic. We both know that this is as hard for you as it is for me. Perhaps even harder.”
“What do you mean?”
“I love Adam, I am in love with Adam, and Adam knows it. I have told him over and over again how much he means to me. I’m guessing you still have to say all that to Archie.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“David, please.”

David avoided Kris’s searching gaze.

“I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to Adam. I don’t know how I’ll manage to live the rest of my life without him. But what I do know is that my family will be there for me all the way. They’ll support me and love me and make me continue living even if I don’t want to. And they’ll be there because they know what Adam is to me and they love him for it. David if…if something happens I can’t stand the thought of you being by yourself because you never told anyone.”

David wasn’t sure how to process what Kris had just said. He didn’t want to contemplate the possibility that Archie wouldn’t be coming back but he couldn’t stop his mind from thinking it. He sat on the bench and watched Kris’s hands move up and down the notes, the tune washing over the room. He closed his eyes and pictured Archie sat next to him, the song pouring from his fingers. He imagined Archie’s voice singing along to the haunting melody.

When the song finished David opened his eyes and looked at Kris.

“That was some speech. You been practicing it long?”
“Actually it was pretty much word for word what Katy just told me. Not the bit about you, that I added, but the bit about my family being there, those are her words.”
“Man where did you find her?”
“High school.”

An alarm sounded from Kris’s pocket. David watched as he pulled out his phone and switched the alarm off.

“The next batch is done.”

Kris made his way back to the kitchen and David followed.

“Just who is going to eat all of these cookies anyway?”
“Adam loves them, I’ll save them for him.”
“Kris…”

Kris turned to David, his sadness palpable in his gaze.

“David. We’re going to get them back. We have to. I just…I can’t think otherwise.”
“And when we do we’ll stuff them with homemade cookies.”
“And ice-cream. We need to get some ice-cream.”
“And alcohol.”
“Does Archie drink?”
“No, but we’ll get him something expensive and non-alcoholic, some really nice fruit juice or something. We’ll have a cookie, ice-cream, alcohol and fruit juice welcome home party.”

David watched as Kris pulled a tray of snickerdoodle cookies out of one of the ovens. As he was reaching over to grab one he heard a throat clearing in the doorway. Turning to face it he saw Kris’s manager Lisa standing there.

“I just wanted to let you know that we’ve just received an email telling us to expect delivery details soon.”

David pulled his hand away from the tray, his appetite lost. Turning back to face Kris he caught his eye and the two of them made their way back into the living room to wait for the information. There might not be anything they could do to help but they were sure as hell going to be aware of everything that was going on.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:29 pm

Part Five - Adam

Adam was sat facing David regaling him with a tale about his days in Hamburg with the cast of Hair. They were taking it in turn to tell each other stories of their life and it was his go. He had already exhausted most of his family friendly ones and had been reluctant to go on but David had been just as interested in the slightly more explicit tales. Adam had been pleasantly surprised at the amount of stories David had picked up during his tours of the UK and America. Although apart from several bursts of nakedness from David’s British tour mates they all revolved securely around things he could, although hadn’t, talk about in interviews. Adam felt rejuvenated by David’s innocence; by the fact that he had lead as much of a life as he had but still had almost an unshakable child like outlook and sunny disposition. He really hoped that he never heard David telling a tale about snorting coke off of a woman’s stomach in Prague, or attempting to pee in the fountain in St. Petersburg after too many tequila shots. He really hoped that one day both of them would be able to tell a tale about telling tales in this room. He really hoped they were given that opportunity.

The stories had been going back and forth all morning since they had been woken up by one of the men bringing a bottle of water for them to share. It hadn’t been anywhere near enough and there had been no food but it was better than nothing. It also meant that the one trip to the bathroom they had been allowed had been enough. They hadn’t seen anyone else since then for which Adam was grateful.

Adam was exaggerating a story about Hamburg and a 4:00am search for food after leaving a club when the door burst open. He quickly pulled David against him and moved them back to the wall. Adam had been relieved that so far the people who had taken them had kept their faces covered, surely that was a good sign. But he couldn’t help the fear that coursed through him whenever they entered.

Adam watched as one of the men set up a small camera on a tripod in the middle of the room and two others placed a collapsible workbench to the side of it. The fourth man stood off to the other side and Adam could feel his eyes on him. When they were finished the two men at the bench moved over to the singers.

Adam tried to hold on but David was torn from his grasp. No! He promised that they wouldn’t be separated. He couldn’t break his promise.

“Adam!”
“What are you doing? Where are you taking him?”
“Adam!!”

Adam hated the terror in David’s voice but knew it was echoed in his own. David was struggling in the grasp of the two men as he was pulled over to the workbench. Adam stumbled to his feet to follow them but a gun appearing in front of his face stopped his movement. Adam looked into the masked face of the fourth man who was now standing directly in front of him, gun pointed at his temple.

“Silence!”

Adam’s eyes darted over to David and saw that he had also stopped fighting, his eyes firmly on the gun to Adam’s head. Adam watched as David was forced onto his knees and his bound hands placed on the bench. What the fuck was going on?

The gun pressed into his head with more force and Adam closed his eyes. Fuck! This was it. He could hear the safety being taken off of the gun and he squeezed his eyes tighter.

“No! Please no!”

David’s voice cut through his thoughts causing Adam to open his eyes and look at his friend. He wanted to send a reassuring look to David but he wasn’t sure he had any left. The gun moved away from his head and the man laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you just yet. If you do everything I say I might not kill you at all.”

The sob of relief was pulled out of Adam on instinct and he hated hearing it.

The gun motioned for Adam to move in front of the camera and Adam followed the instruction. The man behind the camera handed him a piece of paper. Adam watched as the fourth man moved to stand next to David. Adam knew this wasn’t good. This couldn’t be good.

Adam looked at the paper in his hands and noticed that it had been typed in the same font as the last thing they had he read. Surely that wasn’t something that needed noticing at the moment but Adam wasn’t sure he wanted his mind to focus on what was actually happening.

“Read it.”

Adam looked at the fourth man when he spoke but was gestured back to the camera. As he turned his head Adam saw the recording light go on. He looked at the paper and took a calming breath.

“The $25 million is to be transferred into the accounts that have been emailed with this video at 2:00pm tomorrow. The money will not be tracked. Don’t try and trace the accounts as we have systems in place to monitor all movement. If, after the money has been transferred, we are satisfied that our demands have been met we will release the hostages. We have Lambert’s phone and he will call you with their location when he is told to. If we were not satisfied we will kill them both.”

Adam heard his voice break on the threat of death but didn’t look away from the paper.

“To prove that we are serious we are sending you a small warning.”

That was it, there were no more words. Adam looked up in confusion and saw the camera turning to face the workbench. Adam was about to move over when one of the goons holding David moved away from him and grabbed Adam. He pulled Adam’s hands behind his back and forced him onto his knees. Adam didn’t have enough strength left to fight him. He was tired and hungry and really confused.

“What, what are you doing?”

David’s terrified voice was like ice in Adam’s stomach.

From where Adam was knelt he could see goon number two increase his hold on David, wrapping a strong arm around his shoulders and holding him still. The fourth man, the one Adam now thought of as being the leader, took hold of David’s bound hands and forced them open.

“Stop. Let me go. Please.”

Adam could hear David was close to hyperventilating but there was nothing he could do. He was frozen in place.

Adam watched as the fourth man reached into his pocket and brought out the wire cutters he had used to release Adam’s hands. Adam couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Surely they wouldn’t. They couldn’t. Oh god please tell him that they weren’t!!

The man took hold of David’s middle finger on his right hand and folded the rest back into David’s palm. David was really fighting now. Adam was fighting now.

“Stop. Please don’t do this. He’s just a kid. Let him go you fuckers!”

Adam shouted as he struggled. He tried and tried to pull away from the man holding him but the grip on his arms kept him trapped. He could see tears streaming down David’s face as he attempted to get away. David was begging to be let go. It was breaking Adam’s heart.

The fourth man placed the wire cutters just above the first joint on David’s finger.

“Please, he’s a pianist, please don’t do this! Fucking let him go! Oh god oh god!!”

Adam had no idea what he was yelling. He was yelling anything he could think of. He had to stop this!

The fourth man looked up at the camera and then back down at David’s hand. Adam saw the cutters start to close.

“Take me. Take mine!!”

The man stopped and looked over at Adam. Adam wasn’t sure if he meant what had come out of his mouth. He guessed on some level it must be true, otherwise why would he have said it? All he could think about was how Kris would react if it were his finger, if he could no longer play the piano and guitar. He knew how much of himself Kris would lose. Sure, he could learn to play without it but it would never be the same again. He couldn’t let that happen to David.

“Are you actually offering to take his place?”

Adam nodded frantically.

“Adam no!”

David was barely understandable through the sobbing but his intent was clear.

“I meant it. I mean it. It’s still a finger, you still get a finger, please.”

The man didn’t respond, just continued to look at Adam. David’s finger was still trapped in the wire cutters and Adam could see blood appearing where the skin touched the blades.

“Please!!!”

Adam was afraid he sounded defeated. He didn’t want to sound defeated, he wanted to sound determined.

There was a moment of quiet and then suddenly the room jumped back to life. Adam watched as David was roughly pushed to the side, his small frame colliding with the wall of the room. The hands on Adam’s arms pulled him to his feet and over to the workbench.

“Adam!”

Adam’s knees barely felt the impact as he was pushed to the ground, his left hand grabbed and pulled to the bench. Everything felt like it was moving underwater. The world was moving both in slow motion and speeded up at the same time. Adam heard the blood rush in his ears, he lost the sound of the world around him. He was vaguely aware of David’s voice coming from near the wall but couldn’t make out the words.

Adam watched as in one swift movement the wire cutters closed over the tip of his finger, he saw them cut through the skin and bone, and then the world went white.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:31 pm

Part Six - Kris

Kris sat on the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest. He was swamped in David’s sweatshirt but he still felt cold. The smell of sick lingered in the air but the main culprit, his shirt, had been removed. He didn’t remember it being removed, he was pretty sure he hadn’t been the one to do it, but it was gone. Wearing David’s sweatshirt reminded Kris of all the times he’d borrowed one of Adam’s, claiming they were more comfortable as they were bigger. He’d tell Adam next time he saw him that he wore them because they smelt of him, because they made him feel safe. He’d tell Adam that. David’s didn’t smell of Adam, but at least it didn’t smell of sick. The video, the fucking video, had ended and Kris had not even had time to move away from the computer screen when he threw up on himself. Every time Kris closed his eyes and the images played out he felt like throwing up again.

The sound of Adam’s scream kept echoing in his mind. The scream had been made all the worse by the silence before it. There had been so much noise before…before it happened. Archie crying and Adam begging. And then that deal, that fucking stupid, heroic deal, and then Archie’s begging. Kris would be forever thankful to Archie for not simply accepting Adam’s choice, for his screams of denial. The teenager would have traded back for Adam, he was sure, and for that he could never hate Archie even when all other thoughts told him he should. But straight after the, after the ‘event’, for a few seconds that felt like a year, there had been nothing. Complete silence. Adam’s eyes had been wide, god they’d been so wide, but he’d made no noise. Kris had thought someone must have turned the sound off. But then that sound, the animalistic cry of pain, had been ripped from the man Kris loved. Kris had heard Adam scream many times, mainly in pleasure, sometimes during a song, but he had never heard anything like that. He never wanted to hear that noise again. But he couldn’t stop hearing it. It seemed to surround him, even several hours later.

Kris kept the quilt pulled tight around him. When Lisa had placed it round his shoulders he had repeatedly removed it. Adam wouldn’t have a quilt wrapped around him so Kris shouldn’t have one either. It had taken David to get Kris to keep it on; his insistence that Adam would need Kris to be at least functioning when they got him back. Kris was determined to be functioning. Kris wanted to be there for Adam. Kris needed to be there for Adam. He couldn’t be there now. He should be there now. He should have been there then.

What the hell was Adam thinking? It should never have been him. They wanted Archie’s finger and if only he’d kept his mouth shut he’d be fine right now. No, that wasn’t fair. Kris would never wish that on Archie, would never wish that on anyone. But a part of him, the part of him that wanted nothing more than to protect Adam, couldn’t help but feel Archie was, in some way, to blame.

Kris quickly glanced at the figure slumped in the chair next to the bed. What if David knew what he was thinking? What if he could tell? God David!! Kris had seen the look on David’s face when they had realised what the kidnappers planned to do to Archie. Kris had been so sure David was going to collapse. He’d seen him pale, seen him move towards the screen. Kris had held him back, had held him close. Kris had been horrified and he’d been supportive. And he’d been relieved. A small part of him had been relieved that it was Archie and not Adam. He was a horrible human being! Who would wish that on a kid? Who would do that?

Kris meant to look away from David before the other man looked up but he wasn’t quick enough.

“Hey man.”

Kris didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure he could answer. David stretched as he moved out of the chair. Kris could hear his joints popping with the movement. Watching David stretch was like torture and Kris’s curled up body wanted nothing more than to do the same. His legs had long since gone numb from their position but he welcomed the discomfort.

“I’m going to go get you a coke. I think you might need the sugar.”
“I just need Adam back.”
“I know man. I really do know. But I’m afraid a cola is all I can offer.”

David started walking towards the door. His movements were stiff and tired and Kris could see the weariness in each step. He wasn’t sure his own legs would even hold him; they hadn’t earlier.

“How are you so calm?”

Kris didn’t know where the question came from. David paused near the door. When he spoke his voice was rough and quiet.

“I don’t know. I want to scream and shout. I want to break things. But when I think I’m about to I can hear Arch telling me to stop making such a fuss, his words not mine. I can hear him telling me off for disturbing other people.”
“Adam would accuse me of being a drama queen.”
“Adam would call you a drama queen!?!”
“It’s a running joke. It’s not actually funny but it amuses him.”

Kris could hear the sob threatening to break from his voice.

“God I’m so useless at this!! I’m not a crier! I’m the only member of my family who doesn’t cry on cue and all I’ve done today is cry.”
“Hey man, you made a shit load of cookies as well.”

Kris cracked a small smile. It felt wrong to smile; it felt like he was betraying Adam.

“That I did.”
“And we’re going to feed them to Adam and Archie till they burst when we get them back.”
“Adam will worry about his weight.”
“Archie will worry his teeth are going to rot. Apparently we’re in love with girls.”
“I don’t know about Archie but I can assure you that Adam is all man.”
“Dude, you don’t need to tell me. Those trousers he wears don’t really leave anything to the imagination.”
“You’ve checked him out?”
“Kris, everyone in the world has checked him out.”
“He does encourage it doesn’t he.”
“He really does man.”

Kris grinned at memories of some of Adam’s more interesting outfits. The sound of Adam’s scream, the image of him being dragged, physically dragged, to the workbench in that room tore through those thoughts.

“God I…I hope he still…God David what if he doesn’t, what if he stops.”
“Stops what man?”

David’s voice had softened and the teasing edge that had been creeping in had vanished.

“What if he stops encouraging people to look? He’s not, he’s not that confident about his looks and…fuck his hands. He loves his hands. I love his hands. He loves his gloves, all those fucking pairs of gloves we’ve got in the house. What if he stops wearing them?”

Kris could feel himself begin to draw back into the despair that had held him not too long ago.

“Then we’ll convince him otherwise. We’ll buy him new gloves! We’ll buy him better gloves. If he wants to hide his finger we hide it, if he wants to show it we show it. We don’t let him be anything other than the sexy motherfucker he was born to be.”
“You sound so sure.”
“He saved Archie. Whatever he wants man, it’s his.”

David started to move back to the bed but Kris didn’t want him near. He knew David was trying to help, he appreciated the effort, but Kris was back to wishing it had been Archie and not Adam. He couldn’t let David see that. He wouldn’t ever let Archie know that the thought had even crossed his mind. He couldn’t let Adam know because Adam might never forgive him and Kris didn’t think he could live without Adam. If there was one thing he had learned from these two days it was that Kris without Adam just didn’t work, not anymore.

“I could really do with that soda please.”

David stared at Kris for a moment obviously looking for something, but Kris didn’t know what. He wanted to give David what he needed. He wanted to offer the reassurance he was looking for but he didn’t know what that was.

Whatever it was David obviously found it because he was soon nodding his head and moving to the door. Kris watched as David closed the door behind him, leaving Kris to his thoughts. Unfortunately Kris was not a fan of where his thoughts had been taking him the past few hours. His mind kept moving between fear and sorrow, anger and guilt. His thoughts were all over the place and he wasn’t sure he could get a hold on them. He needed to do something to take his mind off of everything. He needed his guitar. He needed to talk to Katy. He needed to talk to his parents. Oh god, he was going to have to talk to Adam’s parents. But more than anything he needed to talk to Adam.

The door of the bedroom burst open and David ran in.

“They think they’ve found them!”
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:32 pm

Part Seven – Archie

David kept a gentle hand running through Adam’s hair. He was sat with his back against the wall, Adam’s usual position, and Adam’s head was resting on his lap. Adam was asleep, or passed out, and had been for a while. David thought it was probably for the best.

Adam’s arm began to slip off of its position on David’s shoulder and David quickly grabbed it to stop its decent. He repositioned it so that it was again held up, resting on his collar bone.

David kept replaying everything that had happened in his head. Kept running through what the kidnappers had told him to do to help Adam as much as possible. He wanted to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. He didn’t want to risk it. David hadn’t known why they were helping them. After all they caused this, it was their doing. When David had asked, his voice horse with crying and yelling, they had told him that a dead Adam wasn’t worth anything. They needed him, needed both of them, alive. David couldn’t understand how someone could be so cold. How could anyone possibly be that emotionless after what had happened. How could they be so mercenary? He didn’t understand. He wasn’t sure he wanted to understand but felt that maybe he needed to. He needed to know why this had happened. How this had happened.

As the men had cleared away around them, removing the workbench and the camera, David had been frozen to the spot. Adam had screamed, curled into a ball, and then stopped moving. David could see Adam’s eyes were still open and he wanted to move to him, to try and comfort him, but the men were still in the room and he didn’t want to draw their attention. His mind was sluggish and making a decision was like trying to think through caramel. He was frozen where he had fallen, looking at the growing puddle of blood around Adam. There was less than he thought there should be. Shouldn’t his finger be squirting blood like in Monty Python? David couldn’t pull his eyes away from the sight in front of him and he couldn’t bring himself to move.

His choice had been taken away from him when one of the kidnappers had handed David some gauze and told him to bandage Adam’s hand and keep it elevated. David looked away from Adam for a second and to the item in his hand. When he looked back he saw that Adam had been roused, his body covered by two blankets, and was being fed what appeared to be painkillers. David hoped they were painkillers. They could be anything. David had been told to ‘keep him alive, he’s no good to us dead’ and then they’d been left alone.

David had tried to be gentle as he wrapped Adam’s hand but he could see the pain it was causing. Adam had been elsewhere, his mind not in the room with David, and David worried that he’d gone into shock. Who wouldn’t have gone into shock? Maybe he himself was going into shock? He was shocked, did that count? What was shock? What the heck was he supposed to do to help it? People on TV were always given tinfoil blankets, maybe that was for shock. Thinking about the metal blankets David had made sure that the blankets covering Adam were firmly around him and then he had oh so slowly manoeuvred then back against the wall. Pulling Adam’s head onto his lap David had rolled Adam onto his side so that his left hand, the hand, was lifted above his head. He had then started to run his hands through Adam’s hair in an attempt to reassure him.

It felt like hours, it felt like minutes, David wasn’t sure. Adam’s breathing had evened out and David hoped that he had finally been released into unconsciousness, been given a respite from the pain. Surely unaware had to be better than being here? But what if his passing out was bad? What if David had not done enough and he was going to die? If Adam died David would be here alone, he’d be here alone with a dead body. He could be holding a dead body right now! No, he could hear Adam’s breathing, could feel Adam’s breathing. He was not alone. He was not alone!

David’s trembling hands continued their passage through Adam’s hair. He shouldn’t be worried about being alone he should be worried about Adam. This had happened because Adam had saved him. Why had he done that? Would David have done the same? He didn’t know. He knew that he never wanted Adam to do that but couldn’t help but be relieved that he had. David felt like a coward, like a traitor, like a bad person for being even slightly glad that Adam had done it. David looked over at the now dried blood on the floor, Adam’s blood, and felt a stab of guilt at his relief.

The body in his lap began to stir. David’s gaze moved from the blood to his friend. He didn’t want Adam to wake up here. He didn’t want to be alone but he would choose that over Adam waking up still in this room. He wanted Adam to be safe and warm and with his family, with Kris, by his side when he woke. David knew all about Kris, had done even before this. He wasn’t blind and he wasn’t stupid, that and he was really good friends with Allison. But the way Adam had talked about Kris earlier that day when they had been telling stories had shown David just how much Adam was in love with the other man. David knew Kris would be waiting for Adam. He wished he could say the same about Cook. But why would Cook be? Even if he did like him like Adam said, they weren’t together. Cook probably didn’t even know what was happening.

A quiet groan came from the parched lips of the older man and pulled David from his thoughts. David needed to calm Adam, needed to do something to help. He needed to give Adam this, it was the least he could do.

“Sh shhh Adam. It’s okay. It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”
“Kris?”

David didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t good at this. Adam sounded agitated and in pain. Of course he was in pain! What else would he be!

“It’s okay, just rest.”

David reverted to the one thing that always helped his younger siblings when they were worried or scared. He started singing softly hoping the sound would calm the other man. Singing the first song that came to mind the lyrics to ‘Imagine’ emerged from his lips. David didn’t know if it was the song itself or simply the familiarity of music but Adam started to relax back into his oblivion. David didn’t stop singing, the act itself comforting and grounding him as much as Adam.

A loud sound burst through David’s thoughts. Was that a gun? And shouting, there was so much shouting. David needed to protect Adam!! Adam had protected him, now it was his turn.

David’s hands were shaking as he gently moved Adam so that he was nearer the wall. David wanted to be able to see what was happening but he didn’t want to lose his hold on the older man either. He needed to cover him and keep guard. David pulled Adam’s torso up so that it was resting on his chest and he hooked his bound hands over Adam’s head and around him. He made sure he was holding the blankets as tightly around Adam as the position would allow. He placed Adam’s head in the crook of his neck and tried to shield him as much as possible. The position was not comfortable and didn’t give Adam much protection but at least he was no longer laid out quite so vulnerably.

There was more shouting and more gunfire from outside. It was getting closer to the room. David couldn’t help turning his head away from the door as it burst open. He heard the footsteps as they made their way over to their position and David instinctively tried to move further away. There was nowhere to go. A hand on his should caused David to flinch. He looked at the man in front of him. The man was crouched so that he was eye level with David. He was wearing a bulletproof vest and baseball cap with the letters FBI on it. He was holstering a gun.

“David Archuleta?”

David nodded. The man reached out to touch Adam and David instinctively pulled him away. The man’s hand stopped and made a pacifying motion.

“Hey it’s okay. David I’m Special Agent Williams, I’m with the FBI. I’m going to get you out of here.”

David nodded again warily. David watched as the man touched an earpiece he was wearing.

“Williams here, I’ve got them. We’re going to need a paramedic.”

Was this real? Were they really getting out of here?

“Hey kid, it’s okay, you’re safe now. I know two people who are going to be relieved as hell to see you.”

David wanted to believe the man he really did but he didn’t know if he could. Adam would have known. But Adam wasn’t capable of knowing right now so David would have to know for him.

A sound at the door caught his attention and David saw two paramedics making their way into the room, a stretcher carried between them. They were real. This had to be real. They’d been found. They were going home.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:33 pm

Part Eight – Cook

David followed the nurse down the corridor of the hospital, his new bodyguards, the same ones that had been with David since he had been dragged out of the studio just over a day ago, a few steps behind.

Nevada, he was in fucking Nevada!! He and Kris had insisted on going with the FBI when they came to check out their lead on Archie and Adam’s position. Agent Williams and 19E were not happy about it; they thought it was placing he and Kris in more danger than necessary. But together they had put forward a very convincing argument as to why Archie and Adam would need them there. After all, they were also 19E’s responsibility and if David and Kris could help them then it was in everyone’s best interest that they do so. The FBI had been a little more caring, and wasn’t that telling, about the feelings involved and had agreed that having people Archie and Adam trusted could make the whole situation a little easier if they did find them.

They had travelled on the FBI jet with Agent Williams and his team but had then been sequestered away in the local FBI offices. On hearing that Archie and Adam were safe they had been taken to the hospital to wait. It had been evening when they had made their way to the hospital and after the hour in the waiting room David guessed it probably now counted as night. Time had stopped meaning anything today so he wasn’t entirely sure.

David had left Kris in the waiting room when the nurse had come to take him to see Archie. As much as he wanted to go he didn’t want to leave Kris by himself no matter how much Kris insisted he would be fine. But Kris had had a few choice words for David about leaving Archie alone in the hospital after all that had happened as well as a bit of advice on how now was the time to tell him of his feelings. David didn’t agree; Archie had enough to deal with without the added complication of David’s feelings.

The nurse stopped outside of a room with a closed door and two men in dark suits stationed either side. The blinds were down so David couldn’t see inside.

“He’s in here. The doctor is going to release him soon but he wants the liquids and food we gave him to settle first.”

The nurse spoke in a no nonsense tone but the gentle hand on David’s arm was reassuring. David didn’t know what he was going to find inside the room and was more nervous than he’d thought he would be. He had thought he would be running in there the first chance he got. But the last image he’d had of Archie had been from that last video; a terrified child calling out to a friend. That was not the strong, happy, confident yet self-conscious young man that David had come to love. That was not even the kid that he’d grown to know throughout Idol. It was a person he hadn’t recognised. Someone he hoped he never saw again not because he saw them as weak but because it hurt to see Archie in that much pain. It physically hurt to know that he couldn’t do anything to help him. But he could now. He was here now.

David inhaled a deep breath and took comfort from the encouraging smile the nurse gave him. He made sure his bodyguards would wait outside with the others before turning the handle and pushing the door open.

The figure sitting on the bed was wearing scrubs. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms were wrapped around them. He was in almost the exact same position Kris had been in that afternoon. Archie’s eyes were wide open and focused on the door but David didn’t see any recognition in them. David heard the door close quietly behind him but he never moved his gaze from the man on the bed.

David watched as Archie blinked and focused back into the room.

“Cook?”
“Hey you.”

David heard his voice crack as he spoke. He could feel the tears in his eyes. He would not cry. He needed to be strong for Archie.

He barely had time to register what was happening as Archie sprung off the bed and flew into his arms. David staggered back against the door with the extra weight. His arms quickly moved to embrace the younger man. He could feel Archie shaking in his hold.

“How did you? Why are you here?”

David kissed the top of Archie’s head and started to move them back to the bed.

“Where else would I be.”

David made the effort to deliberately keep his voice as soft and light as possible. All of the worry, all of the fear that had been present since Archie went missing had to be absent from his voice. He would not place that on Archie. That was his to deal with.

“How did you know?”
“I was told.”

David sat on the bed and pulled Archie with him. When David moved to sit against the head of the bed, legs stretched out on the mattress, pulling Archie into his arms he expected some kind of resistance and was surprised when he didn’t get any. Archie simply manoeuvred himself into David’s hold, leaning against his chest. Archie was still shaking so David gently rubbed his hands up and down Archie’s arms.

“I didn’t…I didn’t think you’d be here. You didn’t have to come.”
“There is nowhere else in the world I would be. You can’t get rid of me that easily you know.”

David felt Archie’s shaking became more prominent and looking down he could see the tears rolling down Archie’s face. He started rocking them both slightly and quickly lost the battle to keep his own tears in.

“I’m sorry.”
“Hey now, no more of that. No need to apologise, look who you’re talking to. I’m a walking fountain.”

David listened as Archie giggled through his tears. He continued the gentle rocking motion until Archie had stopped shaking.

“Where’s Adam?”

The suddenness of question broke the silence and caught David off guard but the question itself did not.

“He’s being taken care of right now.”
“Is Kris here?”
“He is.”
“Do you know they’re?...”
“I do.”
“Oh…do you mind?”
“Of course I don’t. Whatever makes them happy.”

David watched as Archie turned so that he was looking David in the eye. David’s gaze darted across Archie’s face, taking in the bruise on his cheek and the cut over his eye. He noticed that although Archie was still dirty the area around the cut had been cleaned. It was probably a strange thing to notice at this point in time but David could not stop looking at the freshly cleaned area. David felt a hand against his cheek and before he could process what was happening he felt Archie’s lips on his.

The kiss was unexpected and David froze for a second before closing his eyes and giving in to the kiss. Was this right? Was he taking advantage of the situation? Was he taking advantage of Archie? He felt the tip of Archie’s tongue on his lips but it was removed before he could open them to give entrance. The kiss ended when the need for air got too strong but neither pulled away from the embrace. David brought his hand up to cover the one of Archie’s on his face. He briefly entwined their fingers before trailing his hand down Archie’s. The feel of material on Archie’s wrist under his fingers stopped his hand’s decent. David pulled away and saw the bandage running all the way round Archie’s wrist and down beneath the sleeve of the scrub top. David picked up Archie’s other hand and saw the same thing there.

“What’s this?”
“The um…where they had me, you know, tied up, it…well it cut a little, it rubbed a bit and there’s…there’s a bit of damage. Apparently I pulled too hard at it or something and well…the skin’s soft there so they want to just be careful.”
“Archie.”
“Hey, it’s just a wrist right, I mean it’s not…it’s not like it’s a finger or anything.”

David watched as Archie looked away from him and to the floor. Oh no, this was not going to happen, not if he could stop it.

“That was not your fault.”
“How do you know?”
“I saw it.”

Archie pulled away and stood up off of the bed.

“You what?”

David watched as Archie started pacing the room.

“David, they sent us the video.”
“You saw everything.”
“Only what they filmed.”
“So you know it was my fault.”
“It was not your fault!”

David wanted to pull Archie into his arms and never let go but he didn’t think Archie would be very receptive at the moment.

“He was protecting me!”
“And I’m glad he was.”
“Well I’m not!”

Archie was shouting now. David was worried that security or someone would come in at the noise. He couldn’t let anyone else get involved in this. He didn’t trust anyone here enough. If Archie’s family had been here, or Kris, or some of the other Idols, or even Adam himself, then he could definitely have used the help. But no one who was likely to come through that door was welcome. David would not be trusting anyone with Archie for a long while yet.

“David”
“Don’t Cook. Don’t David me! I didn’t want him to do that.”
“I know you didn’t.”
“I would never want someone to do that!”
“I know that Arch I know.”
“He had no right to do that.”
“David it was his choice. Let him own his choice. Give him that. He gave you a gift, a wonderful gift, be grateful for it.”

Archie stopped pacing the room and out of strength moved to the wall. David watched as he slid down, back always against it, so that he was sitting on the floor.

“I am grateful…and I’m relieved. I hate that I’m relieved.”

David knew it was coming, was a little surprised it had come so soon, but knew at some point that they would end up here. Maybe Archie was simply too tired to pull away from the feelings. Too tired to filter them. David got off of the bed and crouched in front of Archie on the floor. Comfort was not going to get through to Archie when he was in this state. Focus would and duty would, but flowers and hugs would not.

“Don’t hate that you’re relieved, you’re allowed to be relieved. Don’t hate the act because that would diminish what he did. So don’t do that. And whatever you do do not put that guilt onto Adam, because he’s not going to want it or need it.”

David knew he sounded harsh but he knew that it was what Archie needed to hear at the moment. It wouldn’t help with the long term feelings but for the moment, when everything was still this raw, David needed to give Archie something so that he could keep it together. If Archie’s supposed duty to Adam was what did it, then so be it.

When Archie glared up at David he knew he had gotten through. Now was not the time or the place for the breakdown that would come later. That needed to be allowed to take place somewhere safe, somewhere secluded. It needed to be done at home. He could, and would, give Archie that privacy.

“I would never do anything to make Adam feel worse!”
“I know that Arch.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”

David reached out and took Archie’s face in his hands. He needed Archie to really see him; to see the truth of his words, of his actions.

“I know you wouldn’t.”

David leaned in to kiss Archie; it was his turn to initiate it. When they broke apart he sat down next to Archie on the floor and pulled him under his arm into a hug.

“Does this mean we’re dating?”

David had to choke back a laugh at the direct question.

“I guess it does.”
“I thought you did like me like that?”

Kris had been right. Now was the time to admit it. For some reasons this felt like the right thing to do.

“I’ve always liked you like that. But it was illegal. I was too old for you, I still am too old for you. But I can’t live without you any more.”
“Adam was right.”
“About what?”
“He said you liked me.”
“You were talking about it?”
“We had a lot of time.”
“Yeah.”
“I want to see him.”
“I know. You will.”

They sat on the floor until the doctor came back in. David watched as he examined Archie. The doctor had asked him to leave but one fearful glance from Archie had convinced him that staying was his only option. The doctor proclaimed Archie healthy enough to be discharged and left them with instructions to go to the nearest hospital in a week to get the damage to his wrists assessed again. The nurse came back in and demonstrated how to care for his injuries, how to clean them and change the bandages. David made sure to make mental notes of everything so that he would know what to do. There was no way he was going to be anywhere other than where Archie was so he might as well make himself useful.

Archie refused to leave the hospital, even though his family had arrived and were waiting at a hotel, without seeing Adam. One look at Archie’s face and the nurse was leading them down a corridor to the other singer’s room, regulations be damned. David was pretty sure that if Archie had asked for homemade Crème Brule she’d have headed straight home to make him some.

David knew they were at the right room when he saw Jimmy and Rob, Kris’s temporary bodyguards, flanking either side of the door. He nodded at them and opened the door. Slipping into the room David and Archie stopped at the entrance.

Adam was either sleeping or unconscious, David couldn’t tell. Kris was sat in a chair by the bed holding Adam’s good hand. His other hand, supported in a sling like thing that kept it elevated, was wrapped in more bandages that David had ever seen. Archie seemed rooted to the spot so they stayed by the door. Kris nodded to them as they entered but didn’t say anything. David was just about to speak when suddenly Kris’s attention was pulled back to the bed by a movement.

“That’s it baby. Come on, time to open your eyes. It’s time for sleeping beauty to wake up.”

David could see Adam struggling to regain consciousness and felt like he was intruding. He could hear the desperation and pleading in Kris’s voice. David wasn’t sure how much more Kris could take.

David watched as Kris stood up from the chair and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He watched as he started stroking Adam’s hair, still speaking words of encouragement like a mantra. Archie was stone still next to him. David reached over and took one of Archie’s hands in his own.

Adam’s eyes fluttered open and David didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone so happy or relieved as Kris looked in that moment. David could see him attempting to keep the tears at bay. He was managing better than David had. Kris was definitely going to be strong for Adam and David just hoped that he could be the same for Archie.

“Kris?”
“Yeah darlin’, I’m here. I’m here.”

David watched as a drugged out smile appeared on Adam’s face. Those were obviously some painkillers they had him on.

“I love you.”
“Oh baby I love you too. I love you so much.”

Kris leant down and gave Adam one on of the gentlest kisses David had ever seen. It was definitely time to leave. David started to pull Archie from the room when Adam’s voice stopped him.

“David?”

David guessed from Adam’s tone that he hadn’t seen them; it was an enquiry after Archie rather than a call to him. Archie turned to look at the bed. David watched as he sent a questioning and wary glance to Kris. Kris looked unsure but nodded his head and stepped back from the bed, never releasing his hold on Adam’s hand. David watched as Archie cautiously made his way over to the bed and placed a hand on Adam’s leg.

Adam’s mouth moved but no sound came out and David watched as Archie lent forward to hear better. After a second Archie pulled away and nodded his head. Adam smiled dopily up at Archie before turning his gaze back to Kris. David watched as Archie moved away from the bed and back over to him. Archie tentatively held his hand out and David immediately took it. He glanced back at the couple on the bed one more time but they were too engrossed in each other to notice.

David led Archie out of the room and into the corridor. He turned to his bodyguards and raised a questioning eyebrow. When he received a nod in conformation he turned back to Archie who suddenly looked tired. The adrenalin must have been wearing off.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:34 pm

Part Nine – Adam

Adam sat in the First Class waiting room at the airport. It had been one day since he’d been released from the hospital and four since this whole fucking mess had started. He was tired and in pain but couldn’t relax. His mother sat in the chair next to him pretending to read a magazine. Adam knew what she was really doing was watching him. His Dad and Neal had headed back to LA the day before to clean his house; apparently Kris had been forced to leave in such a hurry that there were dirty dishes still on the table. Kris’s parents and Katy were already there. They had wanted to fly out to Nevada, and Adam still couldn’t believe that they were in Nevada, but had relented to Adam and Kris’s wishes for them to go straight to LA. Neither Adam nor Kris intended on staying where they were for any longer than necessary. They wanted to go home.

The waiting room was pretty empty and the press had somehow yet to find out what had happened so Adam was enjoying the quiet. He knew as soon as he set foot in LAX with his arm fucking mummified people would start to question what had happened. He knew that they couldn’t keep it a secret forever.

As much as he hated it, hated the weight and the constrictive nature of it, Adam was grateful for the bandage around his hand. It meant that he didn’t have to look at it. He had seen his hand for the first time just before he left the hospital and…well…it was not the hand Adam remembered. Adam had been repulsed by it. His fingers, especially that one, were swollen and puffy. What was now the tip of his finger looked angry and painful. It was painful. He’d found it slightly disconcerting that his first thought had been that he wouldn’t be able to paint it anymore. He’d have un-matching hands. He still didn’t know if he had made the right choice, done the right thing, but he never had seen the point in regretting the past. It got you nowhere. Sure, this time it would take effort not regret, it wouldn’t be easy, but he refused to let this alter the way he lived his life. So there was be no regret, he’d make sure of it. The emotional and heartfelt thanks and blessing that David’s mother had given him before heading back to Utah had done a lot to help Adam come to terms with his disfigurement. It had made him remember why he did it in the first place.

He had only seen David twice seen they had been rescued. He’d spoken to him every day but not seen him. He didn’t even really remember the first time. All he remembered was telling David to seize the day, fuck he hoped he’d sounded cooler than that when he’d said it. He’d meant it about everything in life but the knowledge that Cook had become David’s constant companion gave him hope that David had at least taken it to heart about the important things. He had been more awake for David’s second visit however and really hoped that the first had been less awkward. It had been a short visit; David had only had the time to quickly visit Adam and see how he was on route to the airport to fly home to Utah. Adam had felt the tension radiating off of Kris as soon as David entered the room. Adam hadn’t called Kris on his behaviour yet but he was going to before long. Whatever Kris’s problem was, and as much as Adam loved Kris, he would not have David uncomfortable around him. Adam couldn’t face the idea of not having David in his life; he was the only one who understood what he had gone through. He was the only one who would know what Adam had felt in that room. Adam needed that support, he needed David. But he needed Kris as well. So they would both have to learn to get past whatever the fuck their problem was. If David even realised they had a problem that is.

Of course, the events of the past day had helped Adam see that whatever Kris was struggling with he didn’t really have any ill will towards the younger man. The past fucking day had been almost as bad as being in the room. Perhaps it had been worse because this time there was nothing Adam could do. David was in pain and there was nothing he could do. He didn’t even really know what was going on, only what he was being told. Was this what Kris and Cook had felt like? He didn’t think he would have survived if he had been in Kris’s place, if it had been Kris in his. How had Kris and Cook not gone mad not knowing what was happening, only that people they cared about were completely at the mercy of unpredictable and unremorseful bastards? Adam was going insane with nothing to do but wait for news. But even if he’d been in Utah with David there was nothing he could have done. This time David wasn’t in danger from some fuckwit in a ski mask, this time it was his own body that was attacking him.

Yesterday Kris had received a phone call, that fucking phone call, from Cook telling him that David’s wrists had gotten infected somehow and David was back in hospital with a high fever. Cook had continued to call throughout the day with updated information. Kris was currently stood a small distance away from Adam talking to him on the phone. Kris kept sending worried glances Adam’s way which did nothing to ease Adam’s fears. He watched as Kris rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and sighed as he hung up the phone. Kris looked at the ground for a second before making his way over to sit next to Adam.

Adam didn’t ask the questions running through his mind; he didn’t want to badger him. It was painfully clear that Kris was hanging on by a very thin thread, that he had been all week. Adam also wasn’t sure he even wanted to hear what could be bad news. He hated that Kris had to play messenger but his phone was still with the FBI as evidence and he was pretty sure that Cook would be calling Kris anyway. Barely a day had gone by that Kris hadn’t spoken to Cook about something. Adam would be forever grateful that Kris hadn’t been by himself through all this.

Adam watched as Kris turned to look him in the eye. Adam’s mother stopped pretending she wasn’t paying attention and Adam felt her hand on his arm.

“They’ve had to remove all the dead and heavily infected skin around Archie’s wrists.”

Adam felt his mother’s hand tighten its grip on his arm.

“His fever’s still not broken but it’s not gotten any higher either, it’s stopped at 103. David said there’s nothing more they can do apart from keep him on the antibiotics, keep him as cool as possible, and wait.”
“Oh that poor boy.”
“It’s up to Archie now.”

Adam tried to absorb the information he had just been given. They had lived through that room, lived through that day, and now a fucking infection might get the best of David! And just as he’d finally gotten it together with Cook! That just wasn’t fair. None of it fucking fair!!! He had to trust in David, he would believe in him. David had never given him any reason to doubt he was anything other than a tough little fucker. Agent Williams had told Adam how David had been trying to protect him when the FBI had arrived. David would get his support, would get his faith.

“David’s stronger than he looks. He’ll fight.”
“I hope he does Adam, I really do.”

Adam could hear the sincerity in Kris’s words and knew that whatever Kris’s anger was about, it was obviously not entirely aimed at David.

Adam fully intended to have therapy as soon as he got back to LA, he was not stupid enough to think he could deal with everything that happened by himself. He’d already spoken about the events of that day to the police but that had been the facts, not the feelings. He was beginning to think that maybe Kris needed the help as much as he did. People always underestimated him but Adam was very observant. Although no one had spoken to him about it he knew there was a fuck load of guilt floating around about what happened. He’d thought that David was going to be main offender but maybe he’d underestimated Kris. Whatever the problem was they would get through it together, the two of them, the four of them. Adam thought their lives were probably intertwined for good now. Even when the bond of Idol had worn off this one never would.

This week had changed them all forever. And as corny as it sounded things would never be the same again. Not one of them had been left unaffected but they had each other and they would get through it.

Kris’s phone rang and made Adam jump; it was the ringtone Kris had allocated Cook back in the hospital. They hadn’t expected to hear from him again so soon, this could be bad. Kris moved to get up but Adam grabbed his hand and held him where he was. They would face it together, whatever.

“Hello?”

Adam watched Kris’s face for an answer; he had always been able to read Kris like a book. The burst of air that forced itself from Kris’s lips made Adam’s heart stop. Was that a good sigh or a frantic sigh?

“Thanks David. Try and get some sleep.”

Kris hung up the phone and took Adam’s hand in both of his. A smile appeared at the corner of Kris’s mouth.

“His fever just broke. He’d going to be okay.”

Adam pulled Kris into a hug, blinking tears back from his eyes. David was going to be okay. It would take time and effort but he would recover as would Adam…and Kris and Cook. They would all be okay.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:34 pm

Part Ten – Kris

Kris sat in the waiting room of his therapist. He had been seeing her for nearly two months now and no longer felt ashamed or nervous about it in the slightest. He had been more than a little sceptical when Adam had first suggested that he go but it had seemed important to Adam so he had agreed. He would agree to practically anything that seemed important to Adam these days. That was actually one of the things he was working on with his therapist. His need to give Adam everything he wanted, even when it wasn’t for the best. He knew that it wasn’t healthy for their relationship but Adam had gone through so much that he just wanted to make everything easier for him. He hadn’t been able to do it at the time and he wanted to do it now. He wanted to make it all better but he couldn’t, not by simply giving Adam everything he wanted. Sometimes what Adam wanted was not what was best for him and Kris needed to start standing up for what was best. He’d gotten a lot better over the past month but he still had a way to go.

Kris had born the brunt of Adam’s outbursts since the kidnapping. He had picked up the pieces of the broken mirror Adam had punched. He had put Adam to bed after he’d come home at all hours of the morning wrecked. He had dragged Adam out of the house when he’d hermited. He had replaced all of Adam’s nail polishes when, in a fit of despair, Adam had thrown them away. But these outbursts were becoming less and less frequent and Kris no longer needed to be as un-relentlessly supportive as he had. Things were never going to go back to exactly how they were but just because they were different didn’t mean that they couldn’t be just as good. They just needed to get there.

Kris looked at the phone in his hand, a text confirming of a dinner reservation for four, and thought of what had been the other main issue in most of his sessions. Kris seemed to spend most of his sessions trying to work through the misplaced blame that he had been throwing Archie’s way. He knew, on nearly every level he knew, that Archie wasn’t to blame. That the kid had never asked for any of this. But Kris that knew Adam had never been a target, that Archie was the only person the kidnappers were after. He knew that Adam had sacrificed to protect him. And there was a part of him that couldn’t help but blame Archie for everything. A small part, a tiny part, couldn’t help but want Adam to have nothing to do with the kid ever again. But he knew this would never, and should never, happen. Adam needed Archie almost more than Archie appeared to need Adam. And Kris would never want to lose his connection with David which alienating the kid was almost certainly cause. So he needed to get over this and he would carry on with therapy until he did.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:35 pm

Part Eleven – Archie

Breath in, breath out. David felt the rhythm of his running sooth him. The relentless monotony, the simple movement, the pleasurable burn in his muscles all created a sense of peace within him. Breath in, breath out. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back, his arms. He wished he had the confidence to wear a short sleeved top because he was hotter than he needed to be, hotter than was comfortable. But he couldn’t risk someone seeing the marks on his wrists. People wouldn’t understand. People never understood. Breath in, breath out.

This week David had gone back into the studio after a three month break. He had new songs to record, ones he’d written since it happened. Some he’d written by himself, some he’d written with others, all had been written about what happened. Breath in, breath out. Of course, writing about what happened had also produced a bunch of songs about being in love; something which Jim Cantiello had insisted the world was waiting to hear. He and Cook had wasted very little time in going public with their relationship; they’d wasted enough time before getting together. Kris and Adam were still keeping theirs a secret but he couldn’t blame them for that. He knew that Adam was afraid he would be blamed for corrupting sweet, innocent Kris. Hell, people had been blaming Adam for corrupting him during their time in that room. Why else would he turn gay so soon afterwards? Breath in, breath out. Turn gay, he never turned gay, he was born gay, he’d just not announced it to the world. Stupid ignorant…idiots!!!

David turned around, picked up the pace of his running, and started back to his house. He would release all his anger at the world, all of the poisonous feelings he’d had over the past three months, through his music and his running. He would not let anyone else turn something wonderful into something dirty. Breath in, breath out. Those men had tried to take his success and make it dirty, make it something he regretted. And for a time he had wanted to turn away from it all, to move back to Utah permanently, to fade into memory. But he loved music, he loved that he got to do it for a living, he would not let them take that from him. He would not be ashamed. He would, as Adam had told him to, seize the day. Breath in, breath out.
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PostSubject: Re: What I Could Never Say   Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:36 pm

Part Twelve – Cook

David looked at the package in his hands. When Archie had directed him to Cassidy, David had still been unsure about what he was looking for; fashion was not his strong point. Luckily it was Cassidy’s. And, as David suspected Archie had realised before making the suggestion, the man’s own friendship with Adam was advantageous as well. Cassidy knew Adam well, knew what he liked to wear, and when David had told him of his plan he’d known exactly what to do.

So here David stood holding Adam’s brand new, one of a kind, specifically designed, glove, finger cover, leather, metal, jewelled, bondage looking thing. David honestly didn’t know how to describe it but when Cassidy had shown him how it looked David had known it was perfect. They had all started buying Adam new gloves almost the second his bandage had come off but this was something else. He wanted Adam to like it, he wanted Adam to love it. It had a cover for the missing tip of his finger, covered in some of the sparkliest jewels David had ever seen, and the straps wound all around the hand without enclosing it. The metal that was entwined in it gave it a futuristic look. He really hoped Adam liked it.

David knew that Adam didn’t want to be thanked for protecting Archie, for going with Archie, and David had stopped trying a while ago. This glove wasn’t because of Archie, this was because of Adam. David had been watching as Adam became less and less outgoing. As Adam had, almost imperceptibly to the average eye, become more reserved. Sure, he still liked to cause controversy and he still liked to give his PR people heart attacks but some of the fierceness was gone. David thought it probably had as much to do with still hiding his and Kris’s relationship as it had to do with everything that had happened that week. David felt a little guilty for that. He and Archie had been so desperate to be open about their relationship that they hadn’t thought about the effect it would have on anyone else. David had never expected the media to attack Adam over it. He had never thought that anyone would think that!!! Fucking vultures!! So David had bought Adam this glove. It was a thank you, it was an apology, it was a ‘you’re beautiful and don’t ever forget it’, it was a ‘fuck them’. But more than that, it was simply a glove. It was a gift from one friend to another because why the fuck not.

For five months their lives had all been about that one day. Everything had been because of it, affected by it, and they had been fighting it all the way. It was time to stop fighting. It was time to fucking accept it as something that was and would always be. If David needed to be the first one to do that well then he had no problem leading the way. This glove, this glove was a present just because, but it also showed the change in their lives. It wasn’t because of that day, but it was affected by that day. The rest of their lives weren’t because of that day but it would always influence them. So David was going to let it. He was going to move on and accept it and he knew that in time, the others would be able to do the same. It was time to let it go.
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What I Could Never Say
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